Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
tell me about the fingering
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
