I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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