Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
