Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
