I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
