Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
