Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Everyone says I win the strip club
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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