I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize