Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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