if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize