Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
