I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
