if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize