a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize