peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
