Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
