Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
