I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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