white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
