you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
