i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize