Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
