new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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