remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
