I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
