You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
