You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
