I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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