Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
