there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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