i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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