She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
