Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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