Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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