Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
