thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
