Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
