My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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