My hand turned me down
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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