hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
