We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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