i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
