Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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