we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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