It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
