and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
