is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize