Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
