I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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