And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
