Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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