did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize