My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
