no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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