Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
