I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
