he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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