THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
