My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
