thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
