thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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