The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
