Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
